Mating and Relating
Where curiosity meets conversation! Mating and Relating is bringing the real, the taboo and the relatable to the table in love, sex and relationships!
I’m Bri and my mission for the M&R Podcast is to be a safe space to explore the nuances of relationships and sex. We are connective beings meant to nourish and embrace our erotic nature with ourselves and with others. Whether platonic, romantic, monogamy, multi-gamy or somewhere in between, we all desire to live and feel fully expressed, safely loved and well f*cked; specifically in the ways that nurture and expand our individual versions of self and intimacy.
Each week I’ll aim to normalize the convo and refine the stigmas around sex and love through candid chats, personal experiences, educated segments and empowering tidbits to show you just how relatable your desires and situations actually are!
Invite your friends, your partner, your mother or your platonic lovers and join the convo everyone is begging to have more of!
Mating and Relating
The Masturbation Blueprint: How Solo Sex Enhances Your Life and Relationships
Ask Bri! Got a question? Send it over and listen out for a response during the following episode!
Have you ever wondered if your solo pleasure practice is normal, healthy, or even allowed? You're not alone. The stigma surrounding masturbation has created generations of adults who harbor unnecessary guilt about this completely natural human behavior. But what if self-pleasure isn't just okay—what if it's actually beneficial for your health, relationships, and emotional wellbeing?
Dive into the science-backed benefits of masturbation that extend far beyond momentary pleasure. From stress reduction and improved sleep to boosted immunity and heart health, regular self-touch offers remarkable physical advantages. For vulva owners, it can ease menstrual cramps through endorphin release. For penis owners, regular ejaculation has been linked to lower prostate cancer risk. Everyone benefits from the strengthened pelvic floor muscles, improved body confidence, and enhanced sexual function that comes through understanding your own pleasure.
Contrary to common concern, masturbation within relationships isn't competition—it's collaboration. Discover how mutual masturbation creates a uniquely vulnerable experience that serves as a "live-action user manual" for partnered sex. Learn why fantasy is a healthy component of sexual function, with approximately 90% of women requiring mental sexual framing to fully engage desire. Challenge the notion that self-pleasure takes away from partnership, and instead see how it gives something valuable to yourself while creating the blueprint for deeper connection with others. Whether you're exploring solo or with a partner, remember this simple truth: your pleasure is yours, and masturbation is your private practice of becoming who you truly are. Ready to transform your relationship with self-pleasure? Join me in celebrating not just Masturbation May, but a lifetime of confident, empowered sexual wellness.
Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!
If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina
Let's Be Friends!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina
More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/
Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.
Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!
Stay sexy, Stay curious,
Love, Bri
let's talk about masturbation. Solo sex, autoeroticism, onanism, self-pleasure these are all terms for what most of the population refers to as masturbation, which is what this episode is about, because it is May, and I think that it is so cute that us humans have dedicated an entire month to masturbation, along with today being National Masturbation Day, so yay. But outside of that, this topic is also a conversation that has long been an interesting one and a sore spot for a lot of individuals and couples and families, and I think it's because it comes with a lot of nuance and stigmas around it and there's a lot of belief systems and consequences that people perceive. And my perspective and experience as a professional in this space and personally in this space I believe that masturbation is a beneficial blueprint for deeper understanding of our own eroticism individually and a really beautifully expansive and connective space for couples eroticism Uh, I also can recognize that I might be someone who has a sort of predisposition to curiosity around solo sex, because I've known my erotic nature since I was very young.
Speaker 1:I was masturbating very early in life. I knew that certain areas of my body felt pleasurable, even if I didn't have the language for it yet, even if I didn't really understand. I still let myself, in secret or in private, explore my body and what felt good. And I remember one time being caught by my mom dry humping my teddy bear, just naked, and I was so embarrassed and I jumped off so quick and I pretended that I was asleep and I was like actually snoring, right, and it's so funny, right, looking back on it because clearly I'd been caught. Clearly she saw me, I saw her see me, and it was just this whole thing. And even then, right, even knowing my pleasure at that age, I was still harboring a sort of negative self-judgment around my pleasure, right, even knowing my pleasure at that age, I was still harboring a sort of negative self-judgment around my pleasure, right, or at the very least this idea that oh, that's bad, or I shouldn't be doing this, or I have to hide this. And I think that's still the story for so many people even now, which is wild to me but understandable and I think.
Speaker 1:A side note too to this really, quickly, did you know that there have been observations of babies in utero where they are actually witnessed touching themselves and their genitals, exploring their genitals, and these doctors are calling it gratification, um, behavior, and it's wild, right, like there's not a ton of research being done on it, right, it's not like we're shilling out money to try to figure out if babies are masturbating in utero, but I think it's really funny that we are recognizing that there is this sense of touch and bodily sensation, and even in utero. And I think I bring that up because I want to normalize and humanize this very natural type of exploration and that we have, as humans, have sexualized these things in a different way and it may be a more detrimental way. Um, and I think a lot of people have viewed masturbation as this harmful thing, right, even even the definition of, of masturbation is, at one point, self-abuse or something which is kind of funny, because the clitoris is primary function, is pleasure. Like we used to believe that there was only 8,000 nerve endings and we realized that that was a study done on female cows. But now that we've actually done a study on female women, we now know that the clitoris actually has between like 9,800 and like 11,100 nerve endings or something like that, all for the function of pleasure. And even let's bring in the male anatomy, right, yes, their glands does serve other primary functions, but because we know that we all have the same equipment just kind of put together a little differently. We also know that the glands of the penis is also for pleasure. So, anyways, I bring all that up just to say it's normal. It's natural.
Speaker 1:But let's fast forward. Okay, I'm a sex educator, I'm a couples coach, and I get to spend my days talking to people about sex, talking to people about pleasure and their love lives right and how they can connect to themselves and to each other and how they can create these really delicious turned on lives, and I love that. And with it being Masturbation May, it felt like the perfect time to touch on this specific topic and what it looks like inside of relationships, and my hope is that, by normalizing this topic specifically of conversation and sharing very real facts and some experiential beliefs, it's going to encourage all of us to remain curious, because curiosity is so important, and come to a place, hopefully, of competence and confidence around what I like to call one of the blueprints for relational connection, both solo and partnered. Um, now I'll start with some of the most common based fear questions that come up around masturbation, and they are these is it okay and even allowed? Does it mean I'm not enough for my partner? Is it wrong to think about other things or other people when I masturbate? Is there a rule for what healthy masturbation looks like? And is it bad if I can only climax, get off ejaculate, when I masturbate? So we need to recognize that many of us have grown up with the conditioning that anything sexual should be done in private, right, when we're old enough, with someone we love or who loves us, or with a spouse. And then we add in the messaging that, hey, porn is bad, right, sex outside of marriage is sinful, therefore bad right, it's not appropriate to touch yourself and these kinds of conversations are not acceptable. Again, bad. And we already know that there's a lack of comprehensive sexual education. So it makes sense why people feel like it is not an okay thing to do. But as an advocate for sex education, which absolutely includes the conversation around pleasure, I love this topic of conversation and we're going to dive into that.
Speaker 1:So first, for anybody who relates to those questions I mentioned above, you're not alone. So many people ask them. I've been asked them more times than I can count. I've asked myself them, every single one of them, at some point in my life, some more than others and others more than I'd like to admit. And another thing that I often actually hear is especially in coupledom is why masturbate when they can get it from me? And I think this kind of says that masturbation is a backup plan or it's a replacement. And it's really not. It's a blueprint, and I want to be really clear, right, the permission slip to make yourself feel good, the permission slip for self-pleasure, is yours to write. It's not, it's no one else's right, it's not mine, it's not society's, it's not your parents or your families or your friends, and it's not even your partner partners. It's truly a gift that you get to give to yourself Full stop. And so, in the spirit of gifting ourselves with pleasure, here is why masturbation is actually an incredible offering for you, right? And if you're a partner, for your partner or anybody that you choose to be sexually intimate with, okay. So these are my top 10 practical benefits that you can experience alongside of pleasure along with pleasure, maybe a better thing to say and the first one is it reduces stress and anxiety.
Speaker 1:So solo masturbation activates that really delicious cocktail of feel-good hormones, the one that we all know and love. Okay, it's the dopamine, it's the oxytocin, it's the serotonin, and it really calms your nervous system, it relaxes your body, it soothes your mind, and this happens even if you don't climax or ejaculate, because, yes, those are two different things. Two it helps with sleep. We get that post-orgasm bliss, right, even if you are masturbating with the means of climax, you're still going to. Even if you're not, excuse me, you're still going to receive those lower levels of cortisol, right, it's going to raise that melatonin which is going to make it easier to fall asleep and, especially for penis owners, post-ejaculation sleepiness. That's real right. So maybe, if you're not doing this already, adding in a little self-love bedtime routine re-endorsed, you can blame me, it's fine.
Speaker 1:Number three it strengthens your pelvic floor, and this is for both vulva and penis owners. Okay. Masturbation and orgasm yes, it engages the pelvic floor, right, it leads to stronger orgasms, it leads to better control, better blood flow, more sensation over time, and it can even help with erectile function and reduce incontinence, which so many people end up dealing with. Right, this is an every space body thing, okay, everybody. Four, it supports heart and prostate health. Yay, so regular ejaculation has been linked to lower risks of prostate cancer. Love this for you penis owners, okay, especially if you are bringing yourself to climax on a regular basis, 15 times a month. That's half a month. That's doable, right. And as for your heart health, sexual arousal gets your blood pumping, which literally boosts your cardiovascular health. Okay, did y'all see that little clip of Henry Cavill talking to? I forgot who it was and he was just like what do you do for cardio? And he just like, looks at the audience. Exactly.
Speaker 1:Five it helps with cramps and tension. So, for vulva owners, masturbation and orgasm can ease menstrual cramps because it triggers your uterine contractions and it releases endorphins. And as somebody who was recently on her period, I concur. Okay, for penis owners, it can help relieve pelvic tension and reduce discomfort in the scrotum. For anybody who doesn't believe in blue balls, there you go. Number six it boosts immunity. Yes, masturbation increases white blood cell production and supports immune function across the board. Okay. And because orgasm, we know, hits you with that cocktail, it reduces stress, and because stress is one of the biggest suppressors of the immune system, we're talking sexy and healthy. We love it.
Speaker 1:Seven it builds body confidence and awareness. So self-touch actually helps you learn what feels good, right, where your edges are, how you like to be touched and treated. And it's especially powerful for anybody and this is very common who actually deals with performance anxiety. Because solo sessions they help you slow down, they allow you the space to do that, to tune in, to get really, really presence and we already know that presence inside of our eroticism solo or partnered, it just makes everything so much more delicious. We love somebody who's present Eight. It improves sexual function and stamina. So penis owners can use masturbation to actually build ejaculatory control. So penis owners can use masturbation to actually build ejaculatory control and reduce performance anxiety and pressure. And vulva owners we experience improved lubrication, arousal and easier orgasms, because once we know our body, it's easier for ourselves to get into it. So, bottom line, the more you practice, the more confident you are and the more versed in the landscape of your pleasure.
Speaker 1:Nine, it boosts mental clarity. Okay, solo play is not just fun, it's not just sexy, it's also smart, because masturbation actually sharpens our focus, emotional regulation, decision-making, right. That's why it's called post-nut clarity, scientifically backed baby, okay. And 10, it supports emotional healing and autonomy. Oh, I love this, it's so juicy.
Speaker 1:Masturbation is a tool for self-soothing, for reconnecting and for rewriting your relationship to your body, which so many of us are in desire of doing, and for anyone who's been taught to disconnect from our emotional intimacy, our self-pleasure, right, masturbation is a great way to build that muscle of intention and presence. Let me say this too okay, masturbation doesn't have to just be this solo thing. Have you, have you ever heard of mutual masturbation? Mutual, that's a thing, and it's super sexy and it's also a really healthy option for shared pleasure.
Speaker 1:And I think that when it comes to sex, especially in partnership, we often think that it has to be this like physically expressed thing, right, the touching, the penetration, right. So many people still believe that, like, sex equals penetration, I know, and it has to be all these things to be gratifying. But actually, mutual masturbation, I believe that this form of partnered sex is deeply intimate and so satisfying without having to touch each other at all. And I get it, I really do get it For a lot of people, the thought of pleasuring yourself in front of your partner, okay, yes, that probably feels intimidating, but it can also be incredibly erotic and incredibly healing because one it builds intimacy without the pressure, and we love that pressure and intimacy. No, no, right.
Speaker 1:Watching your partner touch themselves and being watched Okay, this creates a really powerful sense of vulnerability and erotic trust. And sex is so good when you trust. It's really raw, it's really real, it's deeply connective, right, without the expectation that can come oftentimes, I think, with penetrative sex again, that performance mindset, right, I think it gives you this opportunity to really learn what turns each other on. It's actually mutual masturbation is a live action user manual, right. You get to see exactly how they like to be touched. You literally watch them. Right. What makes them squirm, what makes them moan, what makes them get off. Right. That kind of visual information that can be both really stimulating and really educational. It's like pure gold for future playtime. It opens up communication, because mutual masturbation is often less scripted than other forms of sex.
Speaker 1:Right, mutual touch, it encourages moans and whispers and instructions and it becomes this sort of language of connection and curiosity and it creates a really beautiful erotic environment for being specific with your instruction and incorporating power. Play right the lead and follow the command and listen, right, it's so hot. It's like, yeah, it's talking through it all the way through it and piggybacking off of this. It's super erotic and it's so empowering. Okay, there is something fucking hot about seeing your partner own their pleasure while inviting you in, but maybe not quite like letting you touch. It's like teasing and playful and seductive and connective, while also really reinforcing sexual confidence and bodily autonomy.
Speaker 1:And I also think it's perfect for low energy or even no penetration days, right, like maybe you're just really tired, you've had a long day, a lot of things going on, mental loads, all the things, or maybe you're on your period, right, and your body's sensitive, or you're just not really feeling like doing you know a whole shebang. The most okay, mutual masturbation. It's a really optimal way to stay sexually connected without overextending yourself in any of these ways. And I think that we can forget that pleasure can be just really cozy and playful and turned on without it having to be this whole thing or show, right, and I think sometimes we miss the nuanced part of intimacy when we're busy just fucking each other into oblivion. So, for anybody wanting to embrace maybe more solo play or a new kind of partner play, wanting to embrace maybe more solo play or a new kind of partner play, masturbation it's your collaborator, it's your teacher, it's your cheerleader, it is not your competition, it does not have to be detrimental, it is okay, it is allowed because your pleasure is yours, your pleasure is your adventure, right? And who better to know your body and your desires and your turn-ons or your turn-offs than you? So, so masturbation isn't? It's not taking anything away from your partner or your relationship, right? It's giving something to yourself. It's offering and inviting yourself into different and deeper pleasure.
Speaker 1:And if you're wondering if it's wrong to fantasize about something or maybe someone, other than your partner, look, I'm not the moral police. Okay, that's between you and your relationship and that also fosters communication, which is fantastic. But here's my take Fantasy and imagination are very healthy parts of sexual function. 90% of women, 90% of women, need mental, sexual framing to engage in their desire, and our minds are our largest erogenous zones. Okay, to engage in their desire and our minds are our largest erogenous zones okay. So if you need a little extra stimulation to get your body online, right, what's the harm in that? Fantasy is a window into our desire and an invitation to bring more connection into your partner.
Speaker 1:Play if you so choose to. It's kind of like that whole debate, right? Like if someone cheats on you in their dreams, should they be held to? Like, should they be held accountable in real life. I think that's a bit silly. It's a bit silly, right, it's a bit silly, you can agree.
Speaker 1:And of course, healthy masturbation, like anything else, that has its limits. Of course, you can ruin a good thing if you abuse it. Anybody can do that. So just check in with yourself, right? Here's some questions for you. Is it keeping you from connecting to yourself, to your partner, in ways that are healthy? Is it causing physical harm? Is it getting in the way of your day-to-day? Right, can you function? Use your discernment? But I will just remind you that associating bad with sexual expression is a really slippery slope.
Speaker 1:Okay, get more curious about your pleasure. Ask yourself what is it about self-touch that brings you to orgasm or ejaculation, right? Can you incorporate that into partnered sex? How can you incorporate more mutual masturbation? And also just remember that, like, your pleasure has memory when something feels good and you bring yourself there to that point over and over again. You're correct, you're creating these neural pathways, right? Your pleasure is like it's like hey, I see you and I'm seeking the path of least resistance, like so many of us do. So how can, maybe I mix it up? How can I invite something new, a new experience, right, right, and maybe even bring your partner along for that ride.
Speaker 1:So, if you couldn't tell already, I'm a big fan, big fan of masturbation. Okay, I endorse it, I support it, I'm an advocate for it for this month and this day, and some of my personal philosophies when it comes to masturbation are really simple. Right, the best lovers, they know how to make themselves come first. Pleasure is your power and masturbation is your private practice of becoming and owning who. You are right, coming into deeper union and when in doubt, rub one out.
Speaker 1:And if you do need a bit of encouragement, I'll be the one to say go ahead and touch yourself, do it every day because, brisa, okay, but in all seriousness, if you are desiring someone to guide you into pleasure in a way that feels right for you, where you get to be the permission slip and you get to design what sex is for you and your partnership and you get to build the capacity to have these conversations right About what turns you on, I'm your girl. Let's work together, let's play, let's explore, let's learn. I'm so happy you're here, thank you for sharing this time with me and go masturbate and stay sexy, and I will talk to you soon.